I Can Has Potions Master?
by Dutchman89
Summary: Experimental potions and Weasleys are not the best mix, as Ron proves once again. Slight Ron and Severus slash, a lot of humor and, obviously, a cat.


**Title:** I Can Has Potions Master?

**Author:** Slashydutchie

**Fandom:** Harry Potter

**Pairing/Character:** Slight Ron/Severus

**Rating:** FRT

**Prompt:** Experimental potions and Weasley are not the best mix redsnake05

**Kink:** Magic made me do it

**Disclaimer:** Not mine... but if JK ever gets tired of Severus, send me an e-mail and I'll give you my adress... I'll even pay for the stamp and I promise to take real good care of him!

**Word Count:** 1165

**Author's Notes:** Written for roundsofkink. This is basically what you get when writing a fic after checking out icanhascheezburger

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_ Day 1; one hour after Potions: A little big problem _

"Crookshanks! Stop it!"

Of course, Hermione knew it was no use. Her cat had been hissing for the better part of an hour now and neither her nor Harry's attempts to silence it had been successful. The reason for all the commotion was the much bigger problem of a rather small red cat, or rather the current position of said cat. That position being quite firmly on top of Severus Snape's head.

"I'm waiting, miss Granger," the Potions Master's drawl was by now more resigned with just a side serving of venom, having already passed bafflement, rage and general evil-temperedness. His arms were crossed accross his chest and the Snape Death Glare was going on 100 percent, aimed directly at Harry and Hermione. Both were settling for looking sheepish while at the same time thinking over numerous escape plans and/or ways to solve the mess they'd gotten themselves into. So far, every option seemed just a little more horrible than the one before and their teacher's patience was wearing thin.

"Er... maybe we could try luring him with chocolate frogs?" Harry tried.

"Oh yes... that worked so well the first three times." Snape's tone couldn't be any dryer even if it'd been mummified.

On the bright side, the shouting had stopped. He'd gone on for about fifteen solid minutes after Collin took a picture and yelled something about a cheeseburger. Harry didn't get it, Hermione just wished she didn't.

"Mister Potter, Miss Granger..." Severus' tone was almost pleasant, if not for that underlying 'I'm going to kill you' thing.

"GET MISTER WEASLEY OFF MY HEAD THIS INSTANT!"

To everyone's horror, Ron purred.

_ Day 2; 7 AM: Got Milk? _

"Mew?" Ron inquired, rubbing his little kitty head against the sleeping Snape's nose.

"Fivemoreminutes..." came a sleepy grumble. Not that it helped much. So far, Ron hadn't allowed himself to be bothered by Severus' wishes. This had resulted in the Potions Master walking around with the little red cat on his head for the entire day, ignoring the comments as much as was possible. 'Cat-hat' stopped being even remotely funny after the first, oh... fivehundered times. And then there were the petters. It appeared that even the simple fact that he was atop Snape's head wasn't enough to keep the eager girls away, all looking to stroke the red furry thing.

At the end of the day, Severus had just settled for going to sleep in a rather uncomfortable position. Sleeping on top of a student would probably be frowned upon, even if the student was a cat... and sleeping on top of you.

"Mew!" the Weasley-turned-cat insisted, his rubbing turning into miniature headbutts. When a cat wants something, you give it to him... and in Ron's cat-mind there was no doubt that this was his human and should therefore tend to his every need. Severus disagreed and threw his pillow at the little red thing in his bed, which only resulted in him no longer having a pillow and thus was no longer in his previous comfortable temporary cat-free position. The really sad meowing didn't help either, so he reluctantly opened an eye.

Oh dear, he'd actually hit the poor thing. It was so tiny and the pillow had apparently struck it at full force.

"Awww..." It was out before he knew it. Severus Snape did not go 'awww' at anything, it was a matter of principle. Yet, this little cat... it looked so sad, so utterly adorable... even remembering it used to be an insufferable dunderhead of a Weasley didn't help. Before he could stop himself, Severus had picked the little thing up and was scratching it's head.

"If you ever tell someone about this when you're back to normal I will kill you," he mumbled half-heartedly. "Now, let's go find you some milk."

_ Day 2; Breakfast: What the... _

"Harry..."

"I see it, Hermione." The Boy-Who-Lived looked utterly horrified, barely daring glances towards the Head Table.

"It's an improvement to yesterday, in a way." Of course Hermione attempted optimism, even though there was still the occasional Death Glare aimed their way it all seemed... well, not less horrifying, but just a different kind of horrifying that to her wasn't quite as terrible. Possibly this was due to the tables and other students providing some form of shelter from any direct murderous rage.

"He's petting Ron." Harry actually turned a little bit green with a tinge of purple at the statement. Green from nausea, purple from guilt. It had after all been his idea to take yet another instruction scribbled in a book... somehow those things never quite worked out.

"Well, yes. But it's in an absent-minded sort of way. Probably just to keep him quiet. And to stop Ron from rubbing up against him... check out his robes, they're covered in red hairs."

"He's not quiet, 'Mione. He's purring. I can hear it from way over here."

"Well, in Ron's defence... Snape's rubbing his belly. It's probably a weak spot. Perfectly reasonable for a cat to be purring when someone rubs you the right way." Hermione usually preferred to think of 

everything as reasonable, it kept the general weirdness out of her life. She already had plenty of specific weirdness to worry about.

"That was suggestive in so many ways... I'm just not going to reply." Harry nodded, as if agreeing with himself, before going back to his breakfast with very little enthusiasm.

_Day 5; Morning: Oh. My. God. _

"Yes, yes... time for your milk." By now it was Severus' natural reaction to a nudging in his side. As he attempted to get up, however, he noticed there was quite a bit more nudging going around than there had been in previous days. A quick glance to his side clarified the matter. Where previously had been a kitten, there was now a young man curled up quite tightly against the Potions Master.

"Mister Weasley... time to get up..." Snape cooed, actually smiling at the sight of the redhead. Once you've seen someone lick their own butt, even in catform, you're not easily put off by pretty much anything they do. Slowly but surely, Ron's eyes cracked open. He flew off the bed the very next second.

"Oh my God! What the... sweet Merlin! You?! What... bloody..." The young Weasley was obviously in full panic mode in finding himself in bed with his teacher.

"Well, well... are our sleeping arrangements no longer satisfactory? You seemed just fine with it last night." Teasing was hard to resist, especially with such an easy target. An easy, but even in human form quite adorable target.

"I... I... magic made me do it!" With those words, Ron stormed out. Not that Severus worried. He'd be back. Even if it was only when he realised he'd just ran into the dungeons stark naked.

Snape just smiled and went to pour a saucer of milk.


End file.
